August 8, 2013

My AP scores are still not out. I guess I'll have to ask Pamela about it when school starts. Sigh... stuff like this always happens to me. I didn't sign up for the June SAT either, I'm not sure if Pamela knows yet, or how pissed she is. This has become the story of my life, I can't get anything done because no one tells me what to do. I've become pretty useless like that, because it's how I was raised to be. I have no problem with doing any task, as long as I'm told exactly and specifically what to do. Otherwise, I just rot and do nothing. I have no sense of responsibility, because I was never allowed to have any. I don't feel "wanting" for anything anymore, because whether I got something I wanted or not was always decided by a higher power: the decisions of my parents, and the laws "protecting" children. If you think about it, kids have no power to change anything about their lives, unless their parents grant them that power. According to the law, children are not people, children have no rights, children are the property of their parents, and until we are 18, our lives are determined wholly and completely by our parents, except for the parts that they choose to allow us to control. Anyways, that was a huge digression, so back to the AP scores thing. I don't have my AP scores, I don't have a real SAT test score, I don't have good grades, I don't really have much of anything to go on right now, so the potential for everything to explode in my face is still quite great. If I do fail though, what options am I left with? There's no way I'm staying with my parents, or repeating a year, but there's also no way my parents are going to agree to just buy me a plane ticket back to the States and let me just disappear. I've always believed that high school and college years would basically make up 99% of your life, in terms of memories, achievements, and experiences. So as everyone else looks to turning 18 as the beginning of their lives I'm beginning to wonder if it will mark the end of mine.