July 6, 2013

Man, that 4th of July felt weird. No fireworks or anything, I only realized it was Independence Day well into the night, when in the States I would have been given a noisy reminder the night before. I wonder if all of these journals are going to be read. I wonder if even Mr. Jones is going to read these :P. Just kidding Mr. Jones, I know you're here, hi there. You know what, I'm too lazy to look for a news story that I can actually talk about, so I'll just ramble. So I'm basically a senior, or I will be in 2 months. Time passes so slowly when you're living it, but when you look back, everything seems so fast. I haven't even gotten over turning 16 yet, and now I'll be turning 18 in less than half a year. I admit, I've never been independent, and that's not how I was raised to be. My mom stayed at home to take care of my brothers and me, instead of moving forward in her life and getting an occupation and a life. As a result, I've been closely watched my entire life, and have had no chances whatsoever to take on responsibilities or do anything by myself. I honestly don't think this was a good thing for my development, but I don't really blame them either, because if they had left me alone to become independent I would probably want them to have stayed with me to take care of me. That's the thing with humans, we are never satisfied with what we have. We always want exactly what we don't have, and the things we are shaped to believe in and need are the things we never had. People look at me, and they say to themselves, "Wow dude he's so smart he can get a high SAT without even trying", but the truth is, I did, in fact, pay for that, with countless hours of my childhood alone and reading books to satisfy my boredom. I look at other people, and I envy their ability to feel, and make connections with other people. I would trade any day, I mean, do you really want a bunch of spare time on your hands to waste or would you rather study, with friends and people you have connections with? But, in the end, we all want what we can't have, and the pursuit of happiness is just us, chasing our own tails.